what it's like to be an older brother.

i love being an older brother.  but sometimes i hate it too.  and it's not just because of family.  there's a lot that comes along with just being older.  and you can't really quantify it (well, maybe except for the salary that's expected from older ones).  but here's a comparison.

pros:

responsibility

taking your younger siblings out

being adventurous in being the first (like college)

cons:

responsibility

an emptier wallet...

not knowing/lack of experience.

the list is short but it doesn't mean there aren't more.  so i'll expand in my explanation.

having my sister here at school with me has made me rethink the idea of being a "mang-ne" (youngest sibling) to being an oldest sibling.  when my sister asks me questions about college, I am often relieved that I have experienced what she is experiencing and can give her my take on what has happened to me.  and it usually ends up turning out ok for her.  her mistakes don't end up being as severe or taxing to her as they were for me and i'm glad that she doesn't need to go through what i went through.

in this, i find it interesting that younger siblings (this may be an overgeneralization but this is just from what i have experienced) usually have a much better sense of being able to trust someone else's words, usually those who are older or more experienced, than older ones do.  When I look back on college and wonder about all the times when I made mistakes, there were often times that my course of action were strongly advised against by peers and older, more experienced brothers or sisters.  And even with their words, I did not choose to take their advice into consideration, instead relying upon myself to bring myself through.

Unfortunately, this mindset has become a major part of my prideful sin.  When I look up at Jesus Christ, the man who died for my sin, a man who I should always be following after, I often say to myself, "I need to make my own choices.  I need to make decisions.  I need to do things on my own.  I need to trust myself."  And the intent behind these words are not necessarily wrong.  We do, indeed, make our own choices in this life that we live.  But how often are they backed by a strong desire to do what has been told to us through the Word?  For me, my lack of discipline in listening to the desires of Him who would save me from my wretched self, have led me to prideful decision making, ignorance of the truth, and disregard for those around me. 

I am humbled by the fact that I am being shown this.  I am grateful that I am being disciplined in this way.  And maybe, this will be something that you will benefit from and never have to face.  But please be praying for me.  I need to be disciplined.  Much more.  I need to trust in God, the father, son, and Spirit, who DO know infinitely more than I do; who are always in control; who will never forsake or leave me.

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline, and do not resent his rebuke because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in."  -Proverbs 3:11-12