reflecting on journal entries.

it's my last night in korea.  my dad's sleeping while i'm waiting for my laundry to dry so i can pack (korean dryers are freaking slow...).  so i pulled out my journal and i started looking back through all the entries i've written starting in ghana.  i should do this way more often since it shows me two things.  

1.  my writing skills have not changed much since i've entered college (writ 140 B-, writ 340 B+)  

2.  i tend to leave many things unanswered in what i write because i assume that i'll understand them when i look back to read.

both need to change.  which means i need to practice more in writing.  ahaha.

anyway, i want to share an entry because i think that as i reflected on this entry it was a good reminder for me.

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7-30-08, 7:26 AM

Morning QT - Daniel 7-9

Daniel 9:19 - We do not make requests of you because we are righteous but because of your great mercy.

Finding joy in God requires that we see the immense amount of mercy that has been shown to us.  God has been merciful not only in the death of Christ as the atonement for my sin, but also in this life that I continually live, at times in rebellion to him.

I want to taste the sweetness of joy that I have because of God's mercy.  Knowing this, I can not take any moment for granted.  I must realize the extent of joy that I have in Christ Jesus's death and what it means to my life now.

To live within God's mercy means to bring prayer to God knowing that is not me who can make any sort of impact on God's decision to be merciful.  Instead, I must live within that mercy but know that God does good for whom he loves, and in that I can have joy.

God, please be merciful to me.

Thinking about these past couple of days and considering where I've placed most of my thinking has led me to see that my humility is so feeble in comparison to Christ.  How could be so foolish into thinking that I could be as humble as Christ?  It is not by my power or spirit that I am able to be humble.

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i write about humility a lot because it's often on my mind.  but i do not practice it nearly as much as i think about it.  

this is kind of ironic.  i've been watching a lot of impressionist comedians recently.  the difference between a good and great impressionist (frank caliendo is great.  youtube him) is how much their verbal and non verbal communication are identical to the person they are imitating.  those that are good can usually get the verbal part right but their non verbals (body posture, facial expressions) aren't as good.  those that are great do everything well because they essentially become that person, even in their state of mind.

philippians 2:5 says that my attitude should be the same as Christ Jesus.  attitude is what actually makes an action humble.  it's not just giving the "right response."  it's honestly believing that i truly don't deserve anything i have, but because of God's great mercy, i can have life and so much more.  knowing that, i can make philippians 2:2-3 (do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves) an actuality in my life.

this is why i should do this more often.  hahaha.  ok.  back to packing.